Are you tired of the never-ending journey of trying to become someone new so you can achieve the success and personal fulfillment you desire? Have you ever considered what "un-becoming" would look like and the impact it could have on your success, living your life as the best, most authentic version of yourself? Well, I have – and I want to share my insights.
In a world inundated with the pursuit of success, where benchmarks and achievements often define our worth, I’ve discovered that true fulfillment lies in unearthing our authentic selves and not in becoming someone new. Many high-achieving women find themselves at a crossroads, torn between the demands of their career and the responsibilities of “all the things” - including motherhood. Despite reaching impressive milestones, we often grapple with a sense of unfulfilled potential and a longing for deeper meaning and authenticity.
The universe aligned to bring this message of “un-becoming” to me through Paulo Coelho's thought-provoking words: "Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it's about un-becoming everything that isn't really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place."
These words stopped me in my tracks and made me reflect deeply on success and what’s often referred to as “the journey of self-discovery”. I have learned that this is more than a journey - it’s an odyssey! It is the profound process of shedding layers of societal expectations and self-imposed limitations which takes time and lots and lots of practice. I found that when we do the work to learn, unlearn, and relearn, this is the odyssey of "un-becoming." This is where we reveal the essence of who we truly are.
In this blog post, we'll explore the challenges faced by high-achieving women towards "un-becoming". It involves learning how you show up every day, unlearning what does not serve you, and relearning what does, so that you can live authentically in your success as the best version of YOU.
1. The False Promise of External Validation and Surface-Level Success:
In today's hyper-connected society, success is often equated with external markers of validation – be it wealth, career advancements, or societal recognition. However, true fulfillment cannot be derived solely from external sources.
Beneath the veneer of surface-level success lies a deeper yearning for fulfillment and authenticity. Despite juggling multiple roles and responsibilities with finesse, many women find themselves feeling stuck in the elusive pursuit of work/life balance, sensing that there is more to life than the relentless pursuit of external validation.
Research in neuroscience underscores the importance of intrinsic motivation and personal alignment in achieving sustainable success. By disentangling ourselves from the pursuit of external validation and embracing our unique strengths and values, we pave the way for genuine success, rooted in authenticity.
2. Navigating the Struggle for Authenticity:
Authenticity amidst the chaos of modern-day life and the pursuit of success, serves as a cornerstone for excellence and innovation. Whether you're a mother, entrepreneur, a creative, or a leader, authenticity enables you to connect more deeply with others. It fosters genuine relationships and catalyzes meaningful change.
High-achieving women who are also mothers face a unique challenge of reconciling their professional ambitions with their personal values and aspirations. The pressure to excel in both career and motherhood, often leaves women feeling torn and overwhelmed. We struggle to find a sense of alignment and authenticity amidst competing priorities. Yet, it is precisely in this struggle that the seeds of transformation are sown, inviting women to embark on a journey of self-discovery and reclamation of their true selves.
By embracing your authentic voice and vision in your journey, you separate yourself from the crowd. You are then able to identify what aligns with your passions, strengths, core essence, and values. It is where we can transcend societal expectations and forge a path that honors our unique blend of ambition and nurturing spirit. From this place of authenticity, we can redefine success on our own terms, integrating our professional pursuits with our roles as mothers, experiencing a profound sense of fulfillment and purpose in our endeavors. 3. Unlocking Untapped Potential:
Beneath the surface of a busy life lies a reservoir of untapped potential waiting to be unleashed. High-achieving women possess a wealth of talent, creativity, and resilience that, when harnessed and aligned with their authentic selves, can propel us towards new heights of success and fulfillment.
Through practices rooted in neuroscience and positive psychology, such as mindfulness focused on "muscle building" and neuroplasticity, self-reflection, and cognitive reframing, women can overcome limiting beliefs and self-doubt. This can unlock their full potential, allowing them to step into their power with confidence and clarity. That’s when the inner glass ceilings shatter and the ceiling becomes the floor – FIRE!
4. Awareness of the Power of Self-Discovery:
Central to the journey of “un-becoming” is the process of self-discovery. Self-awareness and practices that are rooted in neuroscience and positive psychology, allows you to gain clarity on your strengths, passions, and aspirations. This self-knowledge serves as a compass, guiding you towards pursuits that align with your authentic path. By cultivating mindfulness and presence, you deepen your connection with your inner wisdom, amplifying your capacity for creativity, resilience, and innovation in your life.
5. Overcoming Limiting Beliefs and Self-Doubt:
On the path to empowered success, you may encounter obstacles in the form of limiting beliefs and self-doubt. Some common examples of limiting beliefs that high-achieving women may encounter on their journey to empowered success are:
"I'm not good enough." This belief undermines confidence and can prevent women from pursuing opportunities or stepping into leadership roles, despite their qualifications and capabilities.
"I don't have enough time." Beliefs regarding not enough time can lead to feelings of overwhelm and stress, preventing women from prioritizing self-care or personal development amidst their busy schedules.
"I must be perfect to succeed." Perfectionism can lead to procrastination, burnout, and an inability to celebrate achievements, as women feel that anything less than perfect is unacceptable.
"I can't balance a successful career and a happy family." This can create internal conflict and guilt, making it difficult for women to pursue their career ambitions while also being present for their families.
"Success requires sacrificing my personal life." Sacrificing can result in neglecting personal relationships, especially with your kids, hobbies, and self-care in the pursuit of professional goals, leading to burnout and dissatisfaction.
"I need to do it all myself." Believing this is a weakness and not asking for help can lead to unnecessary stress and prevent women from building supportive networks and delegating tasks effectively.
"I don't deserve success." This belief can stem from imposter syndrome and cause women to downplay their achievements, doubt their worth, and shy away from opportunities.
"Failure means I'm not capable." Viewing failure as a definitive proof of inadequacy rather than a learning opportunity can hinder risk-taking and innovation.
"I'm too old/young to achieve my goals." Age-related beliefs can limit aspirations and the willingness to pursue new opportunities or career changes.
"It's selfish to prioritize my needs." This belief can lead women to put others' needs above their own consistently, resulting in neglect of their own well-being and happiness.
These inner barriers, often rooted in past experiences or societal conditioning, can impede your progress and will dim your light. However, by adopting a growth mindset and leveraging tools and science based methodologies like Positive Intelligence, you will be able to identify issues at the root level. It can then be used as an opportunity to cultivate a mindset of resilience and empowerment, reclaiming your power so you can author your own success story.
6. Reimagining Work/Life Integration:
In the pursuit of empowered success, the traditional notion of work/life balance gives way to a more holistic and integrated approach to living.
High-achieving women are invited to redefine their relationship with work and motherhood, and embrace the fluidity of roles and responsibilities while prioritizing self-care, presence, and connection. From this place of integration, women can cultivate a sense of wholeness and harmony in their lives, experiencing success not as a destination to be reached, but as a journey of “un-becoming” through self-discovery and empowerment.
7. Cultivating Authentic Leadership:
As you embody authenticity in your journey towards success, you also inspire and empower those around you. Authentic leadership, characterized by transparency, empathy, and integrity, fosters trust and collaboration within your team, family or community. By leading with authenticity, you create a culture where individuals feel seen, heard, and valued, helping them to unleash their full potential and collective creativity. Doing so elevates your own success and also contributes to the greater good, leaving a lasting legacy of positive impact to those who receive it - and for them to pay it forward.
In the pursuit of success, the greatest achievement indeed may not be found in becoming something, but rather by “un-becoming” everything that isn't the authentic you.
Embracing the “odyssey” of self-discovery and authenticity allows you to release your deeply conditioned way of being, revealing the essence of you and the path to your empowered success - one that is rooted in YOU, your purpose, and your impact.
As you move through this experience, you will be able to see the fullness of who you are. With knowledge, awareness, and the practice of “un-becoming”, you will be able to embody your unique gifts and vision with knowing and courage. This will open the doors to living in your success as the best version of you, breaking your inner glass ceilings and unleashing your true potential!
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